When you Step on my Dreams

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When you step on my dreams
There will be days like these

In the depth of the night
I feel your hand embrace my neck
Stroke my back
Your loving arms secure me
You take my hand in yours
You whisper in my ear
I am here with you
I won’t let you die
I roll over
Open my eyes
I am alone

I want the world to know
To know
The empty promises you made
I am not afraid to bare my scares
I am heartbroken
Not by the end of us
Heartbroken by the deception
Heartbroken by the illusion of the impossible
How you lead me to believe
With words and love
That you were all I needed
That I was all you wanted
Broken trust and broken faith
Betrayed in the hardest way

I know today
I have a rocky road to walk
I am not afraid to tell the world
You hurt me through and through
I to destroyed so many trusts
You had my soul
I feel no shame in
Telling all
The rocky road ahead
I will walk with
My head held high
My intellect intact
If not my soul
My vulnerability there for all to see
My weakness and your strength
A vulnerability captured in destruction
Caught up in confusion

In the depth of the night
I feel your lips on mine
I am wrapped in your embrace
You whisper
I love you
I will catch you
When you fall
I open my eyes
I am alone

When you step on my dreams
There will be days like these

The Day the Earth Stood Still

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The Day the Earth Stood Still
With no warning
October 10th 2012

I was overpowered and alienated.
But then how can I expect anyone to understand.

We kissed
We lost our heart and soul
To each other
I took you deep inside me
I was yours
I felt your lips on my skin
We shuddered
Our lives turned upside down

We never said goodbye
You stood
Detached from that pain
You strangled me
You lanced my heart
Left me alone to live
You always said
I will be with you when your world stands still
It hurts
It’s hopeless as I don’t understand
The lie

I can’t move on
I can’t tell you what it really is,
I can only tell you what it is
right now, it’s as close as you get
to my earth standing still

Only you can let me go
I ask: search deeply within your soul and hear me;
Speak to me
Hold me inside with you
End the journey
But save our love
The echoes of wonderful memories
The essence of our anticipation
Let’s hold onto our passion
I don’t care that you lied
Right now all I care is
Why you lied
I agonise
Why you held me tight against your soul
And carried me way above my world
Why when I was going you said;
Wait, where you going?
I’m leaving you; no, your not, your never leaving me
We are never going to be apart you swore,
Come back, we kept running right back, here we go again
Now looking back
It was so insane, ’cause when it was at its best or worst
We engulfed each other
You were my Superman with the wind at our back
I don’t care right know that you lied
What hurts is why
The secret; the alien force
That detached you in the end from the pain of being honest?

So tell me What?

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All along it was a frenzy of passion. You dared me to come deeper and closer; I surrendered and gave it all.

Its funny you are the troubled one but I am the one that needs saving. I know that terrifies you and its hard to know which one of us is cracking.

You abandoned the protection so now we suffer annihilation. To shut us out without that thought, makes me wonder what we were all about? The hurt goes round and round and round. I can’t stop the swirling.
The sweat of fear at night, I long for your feelings.

So now this Christmas Eve, I wonder how it all happened? You dared me, you embraced me, and you bluffed me.  So tell me what it was all about? Why did you strip me bare, for what satisfaction?

The sweat of fear continues, the hurt goes round and round, the only break is when I am in a drunken haze. So today, tomorrow, next week, how do I get away from this frenzy of passion that haunts my every waking moment?

Dance with Memories

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You kissed me,
Heart beat against heart beat in passionate fold.
Does time dance with the memories of our kiss?

Not a crush, nor habit, nor lust…
No, we found a passion for each other like no other.
Does time dance with the memories of our passion?

There was no other power stronger
then our all consuming love for each other,
No emotion, no bond of trust.
Does time dance with the memories of our love?

Dissolution

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I listen to our song
‘Stumbling In’
And wonder why your
reckless thoughts are following me?
I’m missing you.
My feelings are so complicated,
The ambiguity of powerlessness
My identity commodified
The fetish heightened
In this hollow place.
You’ve played this game before.
I hurt from longing
For that which I can’t measure.
All that I ever wanted warped in total chaos.
This love haunting, the strangest feeling yet.
I should have read the signs
It was to easy.
I didn’t expect it, just one look and
Before we even spoke,
Our destiny was determined.
It was just you and me.
No ordinary love,
Nothing I wouldn’t do,
Nothing you didn’t want,
Nothing you didn’t do.

Darling, I have no story to be told.
Think of me in the depths of your despair
How you shut me out.
Was it worth it – to protect your story?
I was passionate for you.
I gave you way to much
My soul,
So I take blame
Now that’s all we share,
A blame of profound dissolution.
It’s my life
Don’t you forget
It’s my life

The Wind in My Hairstyle

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The wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefings
at the Westbury Hotel.
I was somewhere I had never been before.
Moments of passion so easily shared.
And so the journey began.
When fears of truth were hidden
and wishful dreams were spoken
believing in the destiny of greatness.

Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

Your look into my eyes

holding my heart

my dreams

Every beautiful kiss

breath

blazing seduction devouring me.

I took you deep inside me

I was yours

I felt your lips on my skin

I shuddered

My life turned upside down

The wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefing
At the Westbury Hotel
I was somewhere I had never been before.
Moments of passion so easily shared.
And so the journey continues.

Your Containment of deception
delivered like a Shakespearean play.

My world as I knew it swept utterly away from my sight, further and further, day by day , it was simply an appalling act of losing my life.

Suddenly

My world stood still

The deception realized your thundering storm tearing me down.
the madness exposed, left alone in a lie.

The illusion crashing in a blazing fall
in a battlefield I had not excepted.

Now misguided reckless anger
Ink to paper, an avalanche of betrayal.
Watching the emotions
the shallow breathe of life.
All the hours of the day
haunted by self-doubt.

Two forces so strong
but just one truth
Yesterdays fiber now just a memory

So many things I never knew, foolishly stumbling in
Memories of passion so easily shared.
Wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefings at the Westbury hotel.
The story ended just as it had begun
in a flash of a moment.

Believening – Just Stop

20121209-130626.jpgOh – my pinstriped suit of elegance
I struggle each day just to feel alright
Remembering how to put back the light in my eyes
Oh – the kiss
You stole my soul
A lamb to slaughter
I can’t ever take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting are more regrets
You lost the love you had the most
Tearing love apart
Leaving scars

My heart pounding as I hear your hunters call
I follow the trail of crumbs
Full of
Lies and pain
Knowing, you have the power to hurt me
Over and over again
I am crying
I am screaming

I want to tell you mostly
Devastated that I’m so afraid of everything
Devastated by the chaos
The violation
Drunk in my devastation
I walk a lonely road
All knowing
But not really knowing

My mind attempts to heal
The scars push me down
I try to loosen the knot
It’s to tight
In my lonely place
In my head
I build a haven, a place to live
A respite
From the ghost of deviance
From the hurt
From the fall so deep
From the pain so Raw
My life so lost
No matter how the day ends
I don’t feel safe anymore

Crazy Days with You

This was the first poem I wrote in the midst of my devastation, my life ravished by abuse. 

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Only Love

It began as a love story

Crazy days of faith, love and passion

We grew so close so fast
You said we were soul mates for life
I lost my world to you
I trusted you with my deepest thoughts
Most intimate moments
My future
Our future
Bonded in the ebbs and flows
We would make it together

As days became a lifetime

Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

But then you did
You took it away
Without a word
You left me in a haze
Took my breath away
Your force so strong
Chaos controlled my mind
The lie so real
My passion abused
Reckless abandonment
My faith, my love
You did not face me
You left me with nothing
My life shattered

I wonder through my Art
Profoundly
A part of my life
For the delights and hopes of life
Seeing in them memories of intimate times
Calming my fears, my sadness
Evoking as only art can do
The spirit in me to live again
Desperate to know
WHY
I got lost in your deceit
In your fucked up mind
WHY
You hunted me down
And played me as a game
WHY
You ripped me apart
WHY
You crushed my soul,

I sit at my desk and find my dignity
My strength
But only for a moment

then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
I don’t know where to find it

So as I sum this up
Go listen to our song
Remember in your heart
I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body
My life
I believed in you
I am wishing for you to stay strong
Wish upon every star you see
And if its meant to be it will come true…
No more Crazy Days with You