“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies are coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.”
I could see no images only shades of light
I spread my arms out over the abyss
wanting to breathe,
my heart’s rhythm was so slow
I couldn’t find my breath
there was no need to inhale
my soul on the edge of the abyss
strands of obscure light from the heart of the earth
reached out and attached to my skin hugging me
I embraced the powerful draw of the abyss
the light fading and dying, I looked up and saw nothing
Because We Never Stop Loving Silently Those We Once Loved Out Loud
A very special moment in a heartbreaking love story, filmed during an installation exhibition at MoMa in 2010 by artist Marina Abramovic.
Marina Abramovic and Ulay started an intense love story in the 70s, performing art out of the van they lived in. When the relationship was over they walked the Great Wall of China, each from one end, meeting for one last big hug in the middle. After that moment, they never saw each other again.
Marina Abramovic and Ulay, Auto Death, 1977. This project consisted of the artists sitting in front of the other, connected to the mouth. They took in their breaths until all the available oxygen is exhausted. The performance lasted only 17 minutes, resulting in the collapse of the two artists on the floor unconscious. This personal piece explored the idea of a person’s ability to absorb the life of another person, sharing and destroying it.
It’s A Rap: Somewhere between where I started and right now you caught my eye. Now all I can see is the distance between you and me.
“When my thoughts are hushed, they are not tranquil. I am restrained on the edge of panic. In a single heartbeat, a moment of realization washes over me, uprooting emotions of regret, anxiety and fear. All the psychedelic feelings in that single heartbeat form my silence.”
Writing is the memento of living on land, but wanting to fly in the air. Writing is my search for syllables to shoot at the fortification of the unknown and the unknowable. Writing is a haunting of the mind, a script telling how rainbows are made and how they fade away into the Eventide.
I felt my world unfolding
What was true?
What was right?
It was like a tsunami
Ripped through my life
I was drowning from the destruction
I found the way to save myself
I found the rock, the branch, to cling onto
To pull myself away
From the Ghost of the relationship
From the debris of
I will not let go
My freedom to write about
The life that nearly ended mine
Beyond Sunset and Sunrise this
Is a fight I will never give up
A flawless curve of
Your bold tongue
On the cusp of mine
I savor your words
Breathed down my throat
Slashing my soul
A wound that won’t heal
Exposed to the memories of
Memories that make it my ruin
The way you wrenched my heart
Racked my mind
Molested my soul
The desolation you left me with
When you were done