Shades of Danger & Adventure

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“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies are coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.”

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adapted  Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim 

artist: John Lijo Bluefish

Heart’s Rhythm

 

Screen Shot 2016-12-03 at 9.31.20 p.m.I could see no images only shades of light
I spread my arms out over the abyss
wanting to breathe,
my heart’s rhythm was so slow
I couldn’t find my breath
there was no need to inhale
my soul on the edge of the abyss
strands of obscure light from the heart of the earth
reached out and attached to my skin hugging me
I embraced the powerful draw of the abyss
the light fading and dying, I looked up and saw nothing

 

 

Do You See

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In this time of turmoil and despair——it’s difficult to figure out what to do and how to react in what seems to be a darkening, “widening gyre” of circumstances. But I am hoping that this challenge, as bleak as it may be, will drive me to thrive and live a complete and happy life.

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment,” wrote Henry David Thoreau. Indeed, my compensation comes in the form of poetry and blogging, despite what dire circumstances it sprouts from, it still reaches toward solace, a place of transcendence and honesty. And I hope it inspires others going through turbulent times. Each word on a page  works the bugs out of my inner ferment.  It could do the same for you so go on give writing a chance and who knows hopefully your pages will be your consolation as well.

“Do You See” – A Poem to KBC Bank Ireland

Do you see
what you do to me
every time
my voice is discounted

A saddened world evolves
into a violent universe
tossing me ever which way
not knowing where I will land

I want to show you
what goes through my mind
as I watch my world fall apart
as I spin into orbit
my creation cast away

KBC Bank This is my Voice – Up Date

About the Author

If you would like to get in touch with me you can do so with the form below.

My Home

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If I had a serious illness, my phone would ring, my friends would call around, bring me lots of comforts and inspirational comments to help me cope and believe in my survival of the disease encompassing my body. But losing my life to deceit, my whole world falling apart, losing my home, my sanctuary, my peace of mind does not extract the same care or sympathy, or compassion. But I can tell you I am on the same pathway of suffering and pain. My home is no longer my prerogative. I did not ask for this, I did not plan for this, it came to me like a silent bullet. What makes a physical illness different to my position is that no one can openly see it.

So what is my position?

In a split moment on a Wednesday evening, I find that KBC Bank is going to the courts to take a repossession order on my home. A disclosure that rocked me to my core. Emotional Abuse ends in many ways. The mortgage payments were not being fulfilled unbeknownst to me resulting in the repossession order, and it was presented to me as a fete comply.    

The scars from mental cruelty are profound and probably more long-lasting than wounds from punches or slaps but are not seen or recognized as a broken arm, or black eye is.  Often my narration of my experiences has been denied, trivialized, or distorted. The wounds of my heart and the scars on my mind are bottomless. Now the potential of losing my home is the hardest punch of all.   My connection to my home is the first thread in my life. My home is part of my self-definition, my identity,  it defines the line between me and my surroundings, it is my shrine of peace.  It’s more than a sheltering roof and embracing walls. It is the core of my being, my soul, my lifeblood. I always have been a home bird. Travel has been a big part of my life mostly due to work and at the core of those days was knowing I would return to the soulfulness of my home.  So losing my home is not about bricks and mortar, it’s about my soul.  

There are many descriptions of the soul and here is mine.  My soul senses the force; that animates my thoughts, words, and actions. It is the wisdom that shapes this animating force into patterns of experience. In the depths of my home, my soul is still and boundless. It flows in a countless variety of emotions and thoughts that glue my mind to my body, my body to my home and my home to my life. 

Emotional Abuse is dangerous; it’s as harmful as physical abuse. It can whip your life away in one fell swoop. 

I have a You Tube Diary on the story and ongoing processes to keep my home that might give other people in similar position spirit to find a way to keep their home. 

This is my Voice  full blog.

KBC Bank Ireland This is my voice; Up date You Tube

Where the wind don’t blow

WHERE THE WIND DON’T BLOW

My home is a place where the wind don’t blow. My heart rests in the place where the wind don’t blow. Strange place a home, strange place where gentleness calms the wind, its a point on a bleak horizon. How can my home be this way – most priceless- yet most defenceless – most valuable -yet most valueless – most welcoming- -yet most forbidding. Tread softly – the walls breathe peace, deep, dark peace, and where the wind don’t blow.

KBC Bank This is my Voice – Up Date

Life & Poetry

Persijn Broersen & Margit Lukács, Beyond Sunset and Sunrise
Persijn Broersen & Margit Lukács, Beyond Sunset and Sunrise

I felt my world unfolding
So confused
What was true?
What was right?
It was like a tsunami
Ripped through my life
I was drowning from the destruction
I found the way to save myself
I found the rock, the branch, to cling onto
To pull myself away
From the Ghost of the relationship
From the debris of
Pain

Poetry
I will not let go
My freedom to write about
The life that nearly ended mine
Beyond Sunset and Sunrise this
Is a fight I will never give up