Shades of Danger & Adventure

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“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies are coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.”

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adapted  Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim 

artist: John Lijo Bluefish

Crazy Days with You

This was the first poem I wrote in the midst of my devastation, my life ravished by abuse. 

Only Love

It began as a love story

Crazy days of faith, love and passion

We grew so close so fast
You said we were soul mates for life
I lost my world to you
I trusted you with my deepest thoughts
Most intimate moments
My future
Our future
Bonded in the ebbs and flows
We would make it together

As days became a lifetime

Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

But then you did
You took it away
Without a word
You left me in a haze
Took my breath away
Your force so strong
Chaos controlled my mind
The lie so real
My passion abused
Reckless abandonment
My faith, my love
You did not face me
You left me with nothing
My life shattered

I wonder through my Art
A part of my life
For the delights and hopes of life
Seeing in them memories of intimate times
Calming my fears, my sadness
Evoking as only art can do
The spirit in me to live again
Desperate to know
I got lost in your deceit
In your fucked up mind
You hunted me down
And played me as a game
You ripped me apart
You crushed my soul,

I sit at my desk and find my dignity
My strength
But only for a moment


I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
I don’t know where to find it

So as I sum this up
Go listen to our song
Remember in your heart
I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body
My life
I believed in you
I am wishing for you to stay strong
Wish upon every star you see
And if its meant to be it will come true…
No more Crazy Days with You