“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies are coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.”
I could see no images only shades of light
I spread my arms out over the abyss
wanting to breathe,
my heart’s rhythm was so slow
I couldn’t find my breath
there was no need to inhale
my soul on the edge of the abyss
strands of obscure light from the heart of the earth
reached out and attached to my skin hugging me
I embraced the powerful draw of the abyss
the light fading and dying, I looked up and saw nothing
In this time of turmoil and despair——it’s difficult to figure out what to do and how to react in what seems to be a darkening, “widening gyre” of circumstances. But I am hoping that this challenge, as bleak as it may be, will drive me to thrive and live a complete and happy life.
“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment,” wrote Henry David Thoreau. Indeed, my compensation comes in the form of poetry and blogging, despite what dire circumstances it sprouts from, it still reaches toward solace, a place of transcendence and honesty. And I hope it inspires others going through turbulent times. Each word on a page works the bugs out of my inner ferment. It could do the same for you so go on give writing a chance and who knows hopefully your pages will be your consolation as well.
“Do You See” – A Poem to KBC Bank Ireland
Do you see
what you do to me
my voice is discounted
A saddened world evolves
into a violent universe
tossing me ever which way
not knowing where I will land
I want to show you
what goes through my mind
as I watch my world fall apart
as I spin into orbit
my creation cast away
My home is a place where the wind don’t blow. My heart rests in the place where the wind don’t blow. Strange place a home, strange place where gentleness calms the wind, its a point on a bleak horizon. How can my home be this way – most priceless- yet most defenceless – most valuable -yet most valueless – most welcoming- -yet most forbidding. Tread softly – the walls breathe peace, deep, dark peace, and where the wind don’t blow.
Lightning flashed, blinded my trusting eyes. Thunder ravaged my soul and forced out my cries.
Deadly winds ripped me all apart. Tears like monsoon rains that flooded my heart.
Dark clouds ever-present in turbulent air, now brightened in the curve of a rainbow.
The Storm passed, the ravaged debris yesterday’s view, as the sun’s rays now light down a new path for me.
It’s a path on which I can feel the softness of the grass creeping through the cracks. Free from the solitude of despair, I can once again tune back into my love of dogs, this time with my two babes Olliepop and DianaRoss.
In their mystery, filled with joy that strikes like happiness lightning, liberated from the tuneless and crippling feelings that have haunted my life for far too long I cuddle them lovingly.
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
“For the last couple of years I have been in a tumble dry cycle – hurled around, hitting against the sides of drum, erratically lacerated, mangled, being knocked and jolted about some more, not knowing how bloody long the cycle would continue for or where the next blow would come from. Then suddenly, intermittently, the cycle stops. I violently jolt to a screaming halt…………. I am knocked senseless by it; the trauma is so great, it’s unrelenting.
Thank you all for following Poetry on Life’s Journey. For giving me the inspiration to keep going.xx
Finally the court case took place and was settled, I am so satisfied I finally feel vindicated and validated.
Here is a video made up with words from my poems.
This is the first Poem I wrote after the break up.
It began as a love story
Crazy days of faith, love and passion
We grew so close so fast You said we were soul mates for life I lost my world to you I trusted you with my deepest thoughts Most intimate moments My future Our future Bonded in the ebbs and flows We would make it together
As days became a lifetime
Unwavering faith In the chorus of warnings I battled your place with me Bold and revolutionary No one would take this away from us
But then you did You took it away Without a word You left me in a haze Took my breath away Your force so strong Chaos controlled my mind The lie so real My passion abused Reckless abandonment My faith, my love You did not face me You left me with nothing My life shattered
I wonder through my Art Profoundly A part of my life For the delights and hopes of life Seeing in them memories of intimate times Calming my fears, my sadness Evoking as only art can do The spirit in me to live again Desperate to know WHY I got lost in your deceit In your fucked up mind WHY You hunted me down And played me as a game WHY You ripped me apart WHY You crushed my soul,
I sit at my desk and find my dignity My strength But only for a moment
I want to scream..
All I want to do is scream I want my anger to go away its like a blazing flame I want my despair to leave me I am drowning in pain I want my sanity back I don’t know where to find it
So as I sum this up Go listen to our song Remember in your heart I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body My life I believed in you I am wishing for you to stay strong Wish upon every star you see And if its meant to be it will come true… No more Crazy Days with You’
I felt my world unfolding
What was true?
What was right?
It was like a tsunami
Ripped through my life
I was drowning from the destruction
I found the way to save myself
I found the rock, the branch, to cling onto
To pull myself away
From the Ghost of the relationship
From the debris of
I will not let go
My freedom to write about
The life that nearly ended mine
Beyond Sunset and Sunrise this
Is a fight I will never give up
The Day the Earth Stood Still –
With no warning
October 10th 2012
With a lawyers letter
I was overpowered and alienated.
We lost our heart and soul
To each other
I took you deep inside me
I was yours
I felt your lips on my skin
Our lives turned upside down
We never said goodbye
Detached from that pain
You strangled me
You lanced my heart
Left me alone to live
You always said
I will be with you when your world stands still
It’s hopeless as I don’t understand
I can’t move on
I can’t tell you what it really is,
I can only tell you what it is
right now, it’s as close as it gets
to the earth standing still
Only you can let me go
Search deeply within your soul
Hold me inside with you.
End the desolation
Save our love as real
Echoes of wonderful memories
Essence of our anticipation
Let’s hold onto the memory of our passion
I don’t care that you lied
All I care is
Why you lied
Why you held me tight against your soul
And carried me way above my world
Why when I was going you said;
“Wait, where you going?”
“I’m leaving you;” “no, your not, your never leaving me.
We are never going to be apart.” you pleaded.
Come back, we kept running right back, here we go again
Now looking back
It was so insane, ’cause when it was at its best or worst
We engulfed each other
You were my Superman with the wind at our back
Brutally abandoned for
The secret; the alien force
Your soul detached in the end from the devastation by the lie?