Poem

Shades of Danger & Adventure

~ Patricia Tsouros

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“There were many shades in the danger of adventures and gales, most of which were exhilarating and golden. It is only now and then that there appears on the face of facts a sinister violence of intention- that indefinable something which forces it upon the mind and the heart. It is this complication of incidents, or these elemental furies are coming at me with a purpose of malice, with a strength beyond control, with an unbridled cruelty. And this means it tears out my hope and passion. MY pain of fatigue and longing for rest targets destruction annihilates all I can see, known, loved, enjoyed, or hated; all that is priceless and necessary- the sunshine, the memories, the future. My precious world as I knew it sweeps utterly away from my sight, further and further as each day goes by, it’s simply an appalling act of losing my life.”

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adapted  Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim 

artist: John Lijo Bluefish

Do You See

~ Patricia Tsouros ~ Leave a comment

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In this time of turmoil and despair——it’s difficult to figure out what to do and how to react in what seems to be a darkening, “widening gyre” of circumstances. But I am hoping that this challenge, as bleak as it may be, will drive me to thrive and live a complete and happy life.

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment,” wrote Henry David Thoreau. Indeed, my compensation comes in the form of poetry and blogging, despite what dire circumstances it sprouts from, it still reaches toward solace, a place of transcendence and honesty. And I hope it inspires others going through turbulent times. Each word on a page  works the bugs out of my inner ferment.  It could do the same for you so go on give writing a chance and who knows hopefully your pages will be your consolation as well.

“Do You See” – A Poem to KBC Bank Ireland

Do you see
what you do to me
every time
my voice is discounted

A saddened world evolves
into a violent universe
tossing me ever which way
not knowing where I will land

I want to show you
what goes through my mind
as I watch my world fall apart
as I spin into orbit
my creation cast away

KBC Bank This is my Voice – Up Date

About the Author

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Where the wind don’t blow

~ Patricia Tsouros

WHERE THE WIND DON’T BLOW

My home is a place where the wind don’t blow. My heart rests in the place where the wind don’t blow. Strange place a home, strange place where gentleness calms the wind, its a point on a bleak horizon. How can my home be this way – most priceless- yet most defenceless – most valuable -yet most valueless – most welcoming- -yet most forbidding. Tread softly – the walls breathe peace, deep, dark peace, and where the wind don’t blow.

KBC Bank This is my Voice – Up Date

The Whole of Life

~ Patricia Tsouros ~ Leave a comment

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Lightning flashed, blinded my trusting eyes.
Thunder ravaged my soul and forced out my cries.

Deadly winds ripped me all apart.
Tears like monsoon rains that flooded my heart.

Dark clouds ever-present in turbulent air, now
brightened in the curve of a rainbow.

The Storm passed, the ravaged debris yesterday’s view,
as the sun’s rays now light down a new path for me.

It’s a path on which I can feel the softness of the grass creeping through the cracks. Free from the solitude of despair, I can once again tune back into my love of dogs, this time with my  two babes Olliepop and DianaRoss.

In their mystery, filled with joy that strikes like happiness lightning, liberated from the tuneless and crippling feelings that have haunted my life for far too long I cuddle them lovingly.

Olliepop & four week old DianaRoss.
Olliepop & eight week old DianaRoss.

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”

—Roger Caras (photographer and writer)

Young Life

~ Patricia Tsouros

The time had come for two hearts to go their own way.
It wasn’t sad; it wasn’t angry; just profoundly honest;

Kiss,love in the heat of the night
Kiss,love in the heat of the night

In the whirlwind of young life
Their love sudden
He blew her away
She caught his breath
The lust explosive
Captivated by each others touch
Living the dream
Fancy London apartment
Chanel and Bottega Veneta
Cap D Antibes
Woke to keys of an MG
Squealed with delighted
Vodka and Wine
Yet in the depth of this life
Fighting to be free
To own their souls
Losing sight of love
The power of another life
Kept them chained
In the birth of her breath
It came to an end

The legacy off their passion
A sparkling spirit
In the shadow of that spirit
Never to know
The geniuses of
Her soul
No captured memories
His dying voice
Silent to her life

 

RIP Paul Oughton

Then – I want to Scream

~ Patricia Tsouros
Image: Ed Hodgkinson
Image: Ed Hodgkinson

I sit here alone
wondering where my life is
where it all went wrong
despair haunts me
how I got involved
why I lost what love is

The days go on
just one at a time
waiting for the
goodbye to all the anxiety
to anger with myself
for surely I have suffered enough
through all these months

left unprotected
so lost
lost by your embrace
haunted by your words
I search around everywhere
for the passion and hopes of life
searching for the day chaos
no longer in my head
perhaps I won’t feel so lost

I feel I am finding my way

Then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
but its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
but I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
but I don’t know where to find it

Fancy As Fuck

~ Patricia Tsouros

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Fancy As Fuck
FANCY AS FUCK

I knew something was not right. I went in with a sledge hammer challenged the truth and you put the phone down. Me in London, You in Dublin. One day to our planned London Weekend.

I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wrecked me

I never meant to start a war
I just wanted to know the truth
I wanted you to tell the truth
I couldn’t live a lie; I was running for my life

Paul, when you put the phone down on me on Wednesday night Oct 10th followed by a solicitor’s letter the following day, that was abuse. That letter was profoundly nasty. It was all a lie, just like, as I now know, the rest of our relationship was. You went to the Garda, anything just so I would not discover the truth.

Your abuse is not without it’s consequences. I needed you to tell me to talk to me. I don’t feel revenge, anger, hate; I just feel utter shock, used, physically abused and mostly devastation.

But you know what, it hurts like hell, but I will fight back and I will find my way out of this abuse. I find it hard to believe you want me to suffer like this. Now I know you ‘Fancied Me As Fuck’. Why not just be straight up? Why all the lies? Why not give me the chance to walk away when I wanted to?

The Wind in My Hairstyle

~ Patricia Tsouros

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The wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefings
at the Westbury Hotel.
I was somewhere I had never been before.
Moments of passion so easily shared.
And so the journey began.
When fears of truth were hidden
and wishful dreams were spoken
believing in the destiny of greatness.

Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

Your look into my eyes

holding my heart

my dreams

Every beautiful kiss

breath

blazing seduction devouring me.

I took you deep inside me

I was yours

I felt your lips on my skin

I shuddered

My life turned upside down

The wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefing
At the Westbury Hotel
I was somewhere I had never been before.
Moments of passion so easily shared.
And so the journey continues.

Your Containment of deception
delivered like a Shakespearean play.

My world as I knew it swept utterly away from my sight, further and further, day by day , it was simply an appalling act of losing my life.

Suddenly

My world stood still

The deception realized your thundering storm tearing me down.
the madness exposed, left alone in a lie.

The illusion crashing in a blazing fall
in a battlefield I had not excepted.

Now misguided reckless anger
Ink to paper, an avalanche of betrayal.
Watching the emotions
the shallow breathe of life.
All the hours of the day
haunted by self-doubt.

Two forces so strong
but just one truth
Yesterdays fiber now just a memory

So many things I never knew, foolishly stumbling in
Memories of passion so easily shared.
Wind in my hair, latte in my hand, deserted streets,
6am briefings at the Westbury hotel.
The story ended just as it had begun
in a flash of a moment.

Crazy Days with You

~ Patricia Tsouros

This was the first poem I wrote in the midst of my devastation, my life ravished by abuse. 

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Only Love

It began as a love story

Crazy days of faith, love and passion

We grew so close so fast
You said we were soul mates for life
I lost my world to you
I trusted you with my deepest thoughts
Most intimate moments
My future
Our future
Bonded in the ebbs and flows
We would make it together

As days became a lifetime

Unwavering faith
In the chorus of warnings
I battled your place with me
Bold and revolutionary
No one would take this away from us

But then you did
You took it away
Without a word
You left me in a haze
Took my breath away
Your force so strong
Chaos controlled my mind
The lie so real
My passion abused
Reckless abandonment
My faith, my love
You did not face me
You left me with nothing
My life shattered

I wonder through my Art
Profoundly
A part of my life
For the delights and hopes of life
Seeing in them memories of intimate times
Calming my fears, my sadness
Evoking as only art can do
The spirit in me to live again
Desperate to know
WHY
I got lost in your deceit
In your fucked up mind
WHY
You hunted me down
And played me as a game
WHY
You ripped me apart
WHY
You crushed my soul,

I sit at my desk and find my dignity
My strength
But only for a moment

then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
I don’t know where to find it

So as I sum this up
Go listen to our song
Remember in your heart
I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body
My life
I believed in you
I am wishing for you to stay strong
Wish upon every star you see
And if its meant to be it will come true…
No more Crazy Days with You