Do You See

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In this time of turmoil and despair——it’s difficult to figure out what to do and how to react in what seems to be a darkening, “widening gyre” of circumstances. But I am hoping that this challenge, as bleak as it may be, will drive me to thrive and live a complete and happy life.

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment,” wrote Henry David Thoreau. Indeed, my compensation comes in the form of poetry and blogging, despite what dire circumstances it sprouts from, it still reaches toward solace, a place of transcendence and honesty. And I hope it inspires others going through turbulent times. Each word on a page  works the bugs out of my inner ferment.  It could do the same for you so go on give writing a chance and who knows hopefully your pages will be your consolation as well.

“Do You See” – A Poem to KBC Bank Ireland

Do you see
what you do to me
every time
my voice is discounted

A saddened world evolves
into a violent universe
tossing me ever which way
not knowing where I will land

I want to show you
what goes through my mind
as I watch my world fall apart
as I spin into orbit
my creation cast away

KBC Bank This is my Voice – Up Date

About the Author

If you would like to get in touch with me you can do so with the form below.

Paddy

Anne Kollowitz-Seesaw II @Artfetch.com
Anne Kollowitz-Seesaw II @Artfetch.com

What do you see, people, what do you see?
What are you thinking, when you look at me?
Do you see a grouchy old man, reading my book?
Lonely on the doorstep, drinking my beer.
Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes; you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!

At 20 I have wings for feet and fly like a bird
At 30 my dreams of love,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At 50 I contemplate the future alone.
At 60 I think of the years, the loves I have known,
A life that passed me by.

What do you see when
I struggle on my zimmer frame
To buy my Bulmers ?
So you see a body broken,
A man of poor character.

Well let me tell you this,
Inside this lumbered body, lives a young mans heart,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the pleasure and the pain,
I think of the years all too few – gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, people, open and see,
Not a sad old man, LOOK CLOSER, SEE ME
A man of memories and dreams,
A Life story to tell.

*Paddy lived alone in a cottage on the lane way close to my avenue. He sat outside his front door everyday, drinking his bulmers and reading his book, watching the world go by. I spoke to him each day when I walked the dogs, just for a short few minutes. He died suddenly last week, from a heart attack, right outside my home, the ambulance came, I knew he was dead. Now as I walk the dogs I see his front green door shut and I miss Paddy sitting outside sharing the few words we did. His brother came to lock up his tiny cottage. This is an ode to his life.*

Then – I want to Scream

 Image: Ed Hodgkinson
Image: Ed Hodgkinson

I sit here alone
wondering where my life is
where it all went wrong
despair haunts me
how I got involved
why I lost what love is

The days go on
just one at a time
waiting for the
goodbye to all the anxiety
to anger with myself
for surely I have suffered enough
through all these months

left unprotected
so lost
lost by your embrace
haunted by your words
I search around everywhere
for the passion and hopes of life
searching for the day chaos
no longer in my head
perhaps I won’t feel so lost

I feel I am finding my way

Then

I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
but its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
but I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
but I don’t know where to find it

When I was not looking.

photo
You knocked
I opened the door, in you came.
At first you felt safe
as you settled in, familiarised yourself
with my space
with my most intimate belongings.
Then you slowly but determinedly vandalised my space.
I asked you to stop, to leave.
Each time you went out the front door
you insidiously returned when I was not looking
through the back door

You burglarised my heart, my soul, my mind.
Your lies and deception became my superglue
You knew it and you abused it.
I wasn’t swift enough to get away.

At first we were easy, as time went on
a knot formed in my stomach.
Tightening and tightening
I never knew what was next.
You locked me into your deception.
Fierce enough to keep me where you wanted
As you wanted.
You walked away no better than a con-artist
A thief
A thief of my heart, my soul, my mind
You know what you did

Now I see it clearly
I will take you on
As I find my feet again
And regain my space
My resolve
To face you in a court of law
To challenge your abuse of my soul and mind.