Lightning flashed, blinded my trusting eyes. Thunder ravaged my soul and forced out my cries.
Deadly winds ripped me all apart. Tears like monsoon rains that flooded my heart.
Dark clouds ever-present in turbulent air, now brightened in the curve of a rainbow.
The Storm passed, the ravaged debris yesterday’s view, as the sun’s rays now light down a new path for me.
It’s a path on which I can feel the softness of the grass creeping through the cracks. Free from the solitude of despair, I can once again tune back into my love of dogs, this time with my two babes Olliepop and DianaRoss.
In their mystery, filled with joy that strikes like happiness lightning, liberated from the tuneless and crippling feelings that have haunted my life for far too long I cuddle them lovingly.
Olliepop & eight week old DianaRoss.
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”
Paul Allen PR and I faced each other in Court on Tuesday December 16 2014: Here is the final outcome of that case.
IT’S A RAP
Friday 1 May 2015
Somewhere between where I started and right now you caught my eye. Now all I can see is the distance between you and me.
The evening sun streams into my courtyard. Sitting on a large rattan chair, sipping my latte, feeling the sun’s dying heat on my face and the cool breeze on my shoulders, I am absorbed in the stillness of the skyline. Life, for that brief moment, is suspended.
I hear my iPad, nestled by my side on the chair, ping. I glance at my email inbox; the new message is from my solicitor, telling me Paul Allen has paid up the money owed in accordance with the court agreement. It’s the end of the road, the last page of our tempestuous ‘love’ story.
For a few minutes, I am elated. Suddenly, caught off guard, my eyes well up with tears as I am wrenched back into the memory of the breakup, of the battle. I put my face in my hands and sob in relief that there is nothing left to be battered and bruised with. Read More: http://thesplit-up.com/its-a-rap-paul-allen-pr-patricia-tsouros-2/
Paul Allen PR and I faced each other in Court on Tuesday December 16 2014. Here is the report on the outcome.
Paul Allen PR- report Sunday Times December 212014.
“For the last couple of years I have been in a tumble dry cycle – hurled around, hitting against the sides of drum, erratically lacerated, mangled, being knocked and jolted about some more, not knowing how bloody long the cycle would continue for or where the next blow would come from. Then suddenly, intermittently, the cycle stops. I violently jolt to a screaming halt…………. I am knocked senseless by it; the trauma is so great, it’s unrelenting.
“For the last couple of years I have been in a tumble dry cycle – hurled around, hitting against the sides of drum, erratically lacerated, mangled, being knocked and jolted about some more, not knowing how bloody long the cycle would continue for or where the next blow would come from. Then suddenly, intermittently, the cycle stops. I violently jolt to a screaming halt…………. I am knocked senseless by it; the trauma is so great, it’s unrelenting.
Thank you all for following Poetry on Life’s Journey. For giving me the inspiration to keep going.xx
Finally the court case took place and was settled, I am so satisfied I finally feel vindicated and validated.
Here is a video made up with words from my poems.
This is the first Poem I wrote after the break up.
‘Only Love
It began as a love story
Crazy days of faith, love and passion
We grew so close so fast You said we were soul mates for life I lost my world to you I trusted you with my deepest thoughts Most intimate moments My future Our future Bonded in the ebbs and flows We would make it together
As days became a lifetime
Unwavering faith In the chorus of warnings I battled your place with me Bold and revolutionary No one would take this away from us
But then you did You took it away Without a word You left me in a haze Took my breath away Your force so strong Chaos controlled my mind The lie so real My passion abused Reckless abandonment My faith, my love You did not face me You left me with nothing My life shattered
I wonder through my Art Profoundly A part of my life For the delights and hopes of life Seeing in them memories of intimate times Calming my fears, my sadness Evoking as only art can do The spirit in me to live again Desperate to know WHY I got lost in your deceit In your fucked up mind WHY You hunted me down And played me as a game WHY You ripped me apart WHY You crushed my soul,
I sit at my desk and find my dignity My strength But only for a moment
then
I want to scream..
All I want to do is scream I want my anger to go away its like a blazing flame I want my despair to leave me I am drowning in pain I want my sanity back I don’t know where to find it
So as I sum this up Go listen to our song Remember in your heart I gave you my heart and soul, my mind and body My life I believed in you I am wishing for you to stay strong Wish upon every star you see And if its meant to be it will come true… No more Crazy Days with You’
It’s been a long year and now I am starting to understand to see and believe that I was abused. This time last year I could not eat, got thinner and thinner, I could not sleep, I became exhausted, and I did not talk to anyone so I became more isolated. But mostly I was terrified of how I felt. All I wanted was to die. I was in a clinic for my protection. I was given handfuls of medication to help me cope. I went to hours of counseling.
The only thing I knew was I needed to express my life at that time; the agony of the secret was too much for me to live with. I had to express it, to fight back, to challenge the abuse. He did not offer me the opportunity to do it privately, instead putting up a legal barrier of protection. So I wrote poems and posted tweets. I knew I was taking a chance on being labeled crazy or vindictive, whatever someone would think. But when you feel you have lost your foundation your footing in life that really does not matter. I did not want to be a victim; always strong and independent I could not bear that feeling. The Poetry was my lifeline. But then as we entered the later part of year and I compiled the list of emails and texts exchanged during our relationship, for the lawyers, it painted a canvass that I could finally clearly see of a dysfunctional time of chaos, lies, sex. I had a light bulb moment: to continue engaging with that relationship in whatever form continues to make me his victim so it’s over. I don’t want to be his victim anymore. I want my own life back. I want my freedom from abuse and I am grabbing it.
In all the destruction of my mind I found that the rock, my foundation. My true soul mate has always been with me albeit we drifted apart: my husband John. Its been a tough time for you: I love you darling and thanks for understanding, caring and mostly not judging, just loving.
Thank you to all my friends who did not judge but patiently understood, you know who you are.
Thank you to my extraordinary parents and the kindness and support of my sister.
Thank you to the wonderful Dr. Michelle Cahill my Psychiatrist – for naming my suffering, for her care, availability and hugs, for the space and time to reconstruct myself. Without her I could not have made it.
Thank you to my lawyer Ciara Matthews for holding on tightly
And thank you to all my poetry followers: for your inspiration
But mostly thank you to my wonderful wonderful daughter who had to cope with her own heartbreak from the fall out. I am so sorry.
Wishing you all my readers a very promising new year 2017 filled with all things nice.
tracey emin the kiss
you deserve kept promises
and tea in the morning
you deserve love notes on your dashboard
and sausages for breakfast
you deserve love every day
and to be kissed every hour
you deserve to be reminded
how wonderful you are
Patriciatsourosblog 