Lawyers letter
huddled in moonlight shadow
Chablis drowned despair
nights darkness
darkness of my reality
#gogyohka #micropoetry
Darkness
Author: Patricia Tsouros
Shattered Scene
Stumbled in
mind & soul
I had no idea
that night would
would lead
to shattered scene
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Then – I want to Scream
I sit here alone
wondering where my life is
where it all went wrong
despair haunts me
how I got involved
why I lost what love is
The days go on
just one at a time
waiting for the
goodbye to all the anxiety
to anger with myself
for surely I have suffered enough
through all these months
left unprotected
so lost
lost by your embrace
haunted by your words
I search around everywhere
for the passion and hopes of life
searching for the day chaos
no longer in my head
perhaps I won’t feel so lost
I feel I am finding my way
Then
I want to scream..all I want to do is scream
I want my anger to go away
but its like a blazing flame
I want my despair to leave me
but I am drowning in pain
I want my sanity back
but I don’t know where to find it
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“I AM Sorry”
*The story of Lampedusa – The tragedy of desperation: vergogna – shame*
It was a cold dark night
Sailing for Hopes for Dreams
An Island beyond the sea
A home of victory
A home that will
Now never be yours
Flashes of light
In the torrent of the sea
Father and child
Held on tight
Struggled for their dream
Before my eyes
I saw their dream die
In the cold black pit of the sea
I want to say
I am Sorry
I am Sorry
To all voyagers
Of despair and courage
Their lost Hopes and Dreams
Crossing to
An Island beyond the sea
To the Hundreds of Souls lost on the journey to Lampedusa
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Fancy As Fuck
Fancy As Fuck
FANCY AS FUCK
I knew something was not right. I went in with a sledge hammer challenged the truth and you put the phone down. Me in London, You in Dublin. One day to our planned London Weekend.
I came in like a wrecking ball
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung
Left me crashing in a blazing fall
All you ever did was wreck me
Yeah, you, you wrecked me
I never meant to start a war
I just wanted to know the truth
I wanted you to tell the truth
I couldn’t live a lie; I was running for my life
Paul, when you put the phone down on me on Wednesday night Oct 10th followed by a solicitor’s letter the following day, that was abuse. That letter was profoundly nasty. It was all a lie, just like, as I now know, the rest of our relationship was. You went to the Garda, anything just so I would not discover the truth.
Your abuse is not without it’s consequences. I needed you to tell me to talk to me. I don’t feel revenge, anger, hate; I just feel utter shock, used, physically abused and mostly devastation.
But you know what, it hurts like hell, but I will fight back and I will find my way out of this abuse. I find it hard to believe you want me to suffer like this. Now I know you ‘Fancied Me As Fuck’. Why not just be straight up? Why all the lies? Why not give me the chance to walk away when I wanted to?
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Passion
I thought and thought
I hoped and believed
I cried and mourned
I screamed and laughed
Then I realised it was passion.
My gorgeous
Every moment with you
Crazy for you
The fluff of your paw
Touches my soul
You gnaw at my heart
Endless days
Shortened nights
Awaken to the mystery of life
Picasso book
“Art Can Only be Erotic”
Chewed
My babe forgiven all
You daze into my eyes
Lips so soft
I am insane for you
Our affection entwined
You lay on my chest
I feel every breath
And I realise its Passion
Forever crazy for you
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Hazy Glance
A hot summers day
Hazy glance thought the window
I lived my life for him, with him
He was all consuming
I was finding it harder and harder to cope
I pleaded
“i can’t cope anymore with all the lies, your overwhelming intensity, your needs, the sex, i feel i am losing my life.”
“i need to try and find my feet again and my life. what do we do if we continue, it can’t continue like this.”
He said “you will attempt suicide over me, stay with me” “we should die rather than not be together.”
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Just Words
Crazy passion fast deep soul kiss warnings word breathe reckless love devastated desk art struggle pinstripe attempts drunk ghost lost wind beauty hunger soul smile elegance latte knowing containment bond ink shallow identity measure chaos stumbling darling life dance frenzy sweat hole paper haunted only flashbacks sexual vandalized scars Achilles proceedings bare deep still pain inside lied courts darkness wind step empty rocky soul whisper eyes alone wrapped inside Athens love smile abuse truth lies time mind bungalow knowing liar violated Pandora’s entanglement flashbacks sexual self-preservation private suit weakness baklava hide lips fucking played deserve hold earth destruction haunted coffin judgment dreams hands eternity sleep sunset lips hidden kissed desire champagne stars taint lovers fallen what fuck PR glistening intense echoes seeing taste depth care finally beach rolling salt binding heat lost room quietly resumed park come believe myself arms world you skin love stranger now struggle
Compelation of words from all my poems.
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You and I – Now
Wounds were opened
Lips were sealed
Hidden scars
Remain unhealed
Painful bruises
Once concealed
A secret taint
Will be exposed
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Stranger
Our private bungalow
Leading to the private beach
On the Saronic Gulf
Turquoise water
The smell of pine trees
Chilled Champagne
No one else just us
Totally alone for five days
Mesmerised by the Sunio Sunset
The vibrancy of the Plaka
Danced to the early hours
Under the Island stars
Ate Moussaka and Baklava
We talked and talked
No phones
No net
Nothing, no one just us
We held hands
Like young lovers
We shared intimacies
Never done before
I believed your words
Your intimacy
Your need for me
Your desire
Your love
And then
In the darkness
Of our room
A Stranger
And the struggle began
I gave you my love
You took that trust
You tore me apart
Filled my head with all your lies
Abused my passion
To suit what you wanted
My life rearranged
You manipulated how I saw myself
How I saw others
You played with my feelings
You abused my anxieties
Made it hard to be with anyone else
You took away my faith in life
A Stranger in the room
The poetry on the dysfunctional,aberrant,destructive relationship with Paul Allen was the catalyst for the blog On The Edge a personal Psychological Thriller, which to date has over 90,000 readers. This poem relates directly to this post Micro Chapter 1, Athens, July 2012
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