“One of the very difficult things to deal with after being the victim of a Narcissist is that most people will not want to believe what happened to you, even if they saw it with their own eyes.
Narcissist abuse can be most insidious. The abuser takes precautions so that there are no witnesses or hard evidence. He’ll tell others that he is being victimized and that the real victim’s reactions to his abuse are unprovoked and malicious or “irrational.” Destroying his target while attracting the attention he craves is a game to the the narcissist; one he enjoys and plays with confidence. A “normal” person is easy prey to a skilled and experienced manipulator lacking a moral conscience.
“[They] count on our shame to keep their secrets. They know that exposing them means exposing our own failings. That’s what makes them so powerful. They manipulate us into these situations then sit back and watch us squirm between protecting ourselves or blowing the whistle.”
The seasoned abuser is also highly selective. He will target people, like predators in the animal world who concentrate their efforts on prey that is separate from the herd, he is likely to choose someone who in whom he can sense vulnerability.
Emotional abuse is the most common form of abuse – and yet least talked about.
Unlike physical or sexual abuse, where a single incident constitutes abuse, emotional abuse is made up of a series of incidents, or a pattern of behavior that occurs over time. Emotional abuse is more than just verbal insults, the most common definition of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is a series of repeated incidents – whether intentional or not – that insults, threatens, isolates, degrades, humiliates, and control, deceit.
I have taken the stand to share details about my mental abuse and the impact of that on my life. I believe that it’s important that if we have the strength and support to tell your story honestly then we owe it to all those who are suffering in silence, for what ever reason, to do so.
Emotional abuse comes in many forms. Sometimes, it’s years worth of a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife wearing you down; sometimes, it’s a romantic entanglement that takes a turn into this dangerous territory; it can even come in teenage dating. Whatever abuse you have suffered, you can begin to overcome the effects you’ve suffered today.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the hardest things a person does. But even after your abuser is out of your life, sometimes the emotional and mental effects from experiencing abuse can linger on. You may experience feelings of depression, guilt, anger, loss and even symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder:
- Trouble sleeping
- Being easily frightened or scared
- Avoiding of stressful triggers that remind you of abuse
- Difficulty maintaining relationships
- Feeling emotionally numb
There is no one way to feel or heal after you leave an abusive relationship.
It may be hard to stop thinking about your old relationship. You may still think about the little comments that your he said to break you down, make you feel worthless or to make you think that you didn’t deserve better. You may even think about the nice things that they said and the good times that you had with them.
Being in an abusive relationship, or leaving and getting back together more than once (which is very common) can hurt your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself. If you’re feeling bad, you may even question your decision to leave in the first place. The important thing to remember is that you did leave or found a way out and that took a lot of strength. Now it is time to channel your courage into healing and getting back to being a happy and healthy you.
The first step toward recovering from any type of traumatic experience is re-establishing your sense of safety. This means feeling confident that your ex won’t harm you anymore (whether that’s by cutting off contact, or even moving) and beginning to find stability in everyday life. Stability looks different for different people.
Second, give yourself some time to grieve. It’s normal to feel sad or angry for a while. It’s important to let yourself experience those feelings and to let them out, rather than bottling them up. There are lots of healthy ways you can do this — journaling, writing poetry or songs, creating art, exercising or dancing. In addition to being expressive, all of these activities can slowly help to restore your sense of power over your own life. They can remind you of your strengths and the beautiful things you are capable of creating.
Finally, you reconnect with ordinary life (in my case that’s still in the works, so take your time and don’t rush it ). It can be difficult to remember what life was like before an abusive relationship. You may feel emotionally closed off, and it can be hard to trust people again. Your ex-partner may have even physically isolated you from your friends and family, and you feel you have no one to turn to or that nobody could understand what you have been through.
There are always people to help. Remember psychotherapists understand all about emotional abuse and can be an enormous help to your recovery.
You Deserve to Feel Great
Although it may difficult, this is the time that you need to focus on you and your own happiness. You never did anything to cause this and you deserve to be happy and feel safe.
What you went through is not who you are.
Healing is a process and through it, you will remember how strong, capable and extraordinary you really are. You will have good and bad times, but every day free from abuse is another piece of yourself that you get back and, eventually, those pieces will come together.
Best of Luck and if you need to ask me anything please don’t hesitate to send me an email in complete confidentiality with the form below;